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| Alistair Gray: the Man, the Myth, the Mystery |
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| Category: Features |
| Written by Luke Tagg |
| Saturday, 09 January 2010 17:35 |
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Late in the afternoon on Day 4 of the third Test between South Africa and England, Dale Steyn left the field for a one-over break. As far as opening paragraphs go that isn't necessarily the most exciting, nor is it likely to send shockwaves rippling through the cricketing community. I doubt I'm going to win many accolades for it. But the significance of Dale Steyn leaving the field for one over is far greater than the world's best bowler not being on the park, as it was the catalyst for a bizarre fielding substitution that has left me scratching my head ever since. One moment everything was right in the world and the next everything I'd ever known had changed. I became a lost soul in a spiritual desert, seeking answers to the madness. The substitute fielder wasn't Alviro Petersen, Ryan McLaren or anyone else even remotely connected to the Proteas squad. It was Alistair Gray. Of course - at the time I had no way of knowing that. I'd never heard of him in my life before that moment and clearly nobody else had either. Yet there he was: balding ginger hair, a shirt several times too large and hanging out of his trousers, ash-grey socks and his coup de grace - a pair of filthy sneakers. It was beyond bizarre. The commentators were frantically asking each other who he was and eventually the word came through. "Oh, and that's Alistair Gray", was the eventual pearl of wisdom from Robin Jackman. He neglected to explain further, clearly never having heard of him either. He tried to sound as though he and Al were best of mates from way back, but his lack of further analysis of the problem was a dead giveaway. Gray was instantly into the action on the boundary, speeding around and making great ground to cut off a certain four. His throw was flat and straight and his first great moment of Test cricket was done and dusted. Almost. The cameras cut to the sight of AB de Villiers and others pointing at Gray and killing themselves laughing, presumably at the sight of his blue-ish boots. He struck a finely comedic figure in his shabby outfit, which was so at odds with the traditional appearance of a Test cricketer. Gray did some more fielding late on Day 5 and by then Jackers admitted that when he first saw him the day before he thought he was a wag from the crowd, pulling off an impersonation. My first thought was that he was a member of the support staff who had been ordered to quickly don someone else's clothing and get out there. After his one glorious over on Day 4 Gray disappeared for the next 24 hours, leaving me wondering what it all meant. I'm no closer to any form of resolution on the matter but I've done my research and can break it down somewhat. I might even start a support group for others as badly affected as myself. A Facebook page, possibly. The Man Gray was born in Johannesburg in 1982 and is currently 27 years old. He is a right-hand opening bat averaging 39.55 in 51 first-class matches, with a highest score of 188*. He bowls legbreaks as well, with 48 scalps at a handy 29.95. He has been contracted to Western Province since the 2004/5 season and at some point played for the Hampshire 2nd XI. He has also played 22 List-A games, averaging 37.04 with the bat and 24.20 with the ball. He most recently played for the Cape Cobras against the Lions in Johannesburg, in mid-December. The Myth Some say he was born in the middle of Nowhere and raised by feral wolves in a parallel universe. Others claim he appeared out of the mist one day drenched in gore and holding a bloodstained axe, his eyes beset by madness. One man swears he last saw Gray sleeping in a boxcar going by, on the unirail between Williston and Calvinia. Idle rumours, one and all. No. Gray is a timeless man: He was somewhere near the back of the crowd that lined the slopes of Golgotha, as Jesus made his final walk. He resurfaced in the middle ages and was present at Anne Boleyn's beheading. He was under a low hat on that dark night in Budapest in 1956, when the people rose up against the dreaded AVO secret police and hung their rotting corpses from lamp posts outside the Andrassy Ut. He was the man with the cellphone at Saddam's execution. Then he appeared for one over at Newlands late on Day 4 of the third Test, fielded a ball and vanished again. We should have known then what we know now: a disaster was about to happen. I'd take all that pain and suffering Gray has been involved in through the ages over 19 wickets anyday, thanks. I'd personally offer myself to the butchers below Stalin Street, or my ass to the Queens on the Seapoint promenade, rather than ever again being forced to suffer 19 wickets. He's a catalyst, is Gray. A harbinger of doom. The Mystery Alistair Gray himself is the mystery. Where did he come from? Where is he going? Why has nobody on Earth ever heard of him? How did he come to be fielding in a Test match at Newlands? I can but surmise he happened to be at the ground (it is his home ground after all), possibly as an extra nets bowler to give the Proteas some practice, and was freely available as a sort of roving 12th Man. He certainly wasn't the official 12th Man, nor is he a member of the Proteas squad. He's not even knocking the door for selection. The mystery, therefore, remains. Believe what you will about the man - all I know is I'm going to be taking a lot more interest in his career from now on. Freakin' legend, man. 
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